you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
