God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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