i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
