i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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