She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
