Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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