I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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