Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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