so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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