You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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