We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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