The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
