If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
