Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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