call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
