She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
