**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
