So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
