Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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