im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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