I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
