At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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