New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
