I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
