his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
false alarm, still single
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
