my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
