I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
