PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
