He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
