we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
