so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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