from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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