Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
