I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
