Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
