woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
