awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
