I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Drake has all the answers
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
