Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
from now on my penis is your penis
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
