ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
