Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
