The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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