Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Are my feet made of real feet?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
