So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
