Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
