in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
