I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
