Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
