last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
