Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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