Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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