would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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