I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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