Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
