I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
